So as I am sitting in class today learning about how to get hair ready for a bald cap (something we do in TV and Film) my phone starts to ring and I look at the caller ID and see it's my sons school. At this point honestly I hesitate because I know it can't be good news, lately they seem to be calling a lot more because of bad news. I step away from the current demo and answer the phone only to be told that my son is acting out again and they don't know what to do with him. It's in this moment that once again I feel guilty for going back to school to do something for myself. Have you ever felt that way? You don't have to be a parent to feel guilt over doing something for yourself. I hate that feeling because I haven't done anything wrong but somehow I feel like if I was at home where I believe in that moment I should be, then maybe he wouldn't have acted out. I know in theory how silly that is, he is a 9 year old boy acting out is his middle name right now, but I can't help but feel like staying at home gives me super powers to make everything go right.
If I had a super power it would be the power to balance everything in perfect harmony everyday. With this super power no one would ever get up late, there would be no pop tarts for breakfast because there really just isn't time for anything else, no "hurry run the first bell's already gone", me going to school would somehow not involved me taking one second away from my kids, dinner would always be ready at 6 and both kids would be fast asleep by 8:30 every night so that the rest of the time I could spend being a good girlfriend,
As I type that out I have one son in his room yelling "I can't find my "PJ's" the other child just finished a bath and my wonderful B/F is dressing him for bed. It's 8:30 and I know no one is going to be asleep before 9pm tonight. When I think about this day and how it would be different if I had my magic super power I think of all the things I'd miss out on. Sometimes in life's chaos comes beautiful peace. I lay here about to cuddle with my two amazing boys and drink hot chocolate and truthfully I love everything about this beautiful chaos.
P.S The B/F is the one making the hot chocolate because life is all about balance.